Waiting for the Cliff Edge
I feel like I am waiting for the cliff edge to come, or rather, I keep getting closer and closer to the cliff edge. However, this time I am absolutely relying on my instincts. Too often in the past, I have ignored my instincts and regretted it. My instinct is telling me to find something more meaningful to do with my life, rather than just going through the motions. I want to find things that motivate and interest me, and not let my life just drift into old age, earning a salary just to pay the bills. What happened with Grace has turned my life upside down and made me realize that I need to make an effort to do something with the next 10 years of my life. By sharing my thoughts, I am taking the first step towards making changes and communicating my intentions to others.
Knowing Me, Knowing You
I spent about 4 hours with Grace this evening, and D mentioned that she is getting regular attention from me and this maybe contributing to her stability in terms of eating, drinking, and sleeping. She is not declining as much. I am making the most of my time with her by holding her hand, showing affection, and also working on my courses, Instagram/Facebook posts, and learning Dutch. I even did an Instagram post of me and Grace singing “Knowing Me, Knowing You” by ABBA. The walking and talking session last night was really good, and I spoke to a pretty and attractive student who did a questionnaire with me. It was nice to see Masha. I need to be mindful of not pushing myself too hard to do too many things. I am comfortable with socializing at the care home, working on my self-growth, writing my book, watching cycling, and not pressuring myself to do too much else. Things are okay at the moment, and I need to remember that.
