Feeing Sad About Grace’s Dementia

I often feel so sad about Grace and her dementia. It just hits me from time to time, with the smallest of things.  This morning I was making scrambled eggs and I thought about Grace, and how I wish I was making them for both of us. I just wanted to cry. Other examples, I am in Spain at café we used to visit. Or eating out by myself.

I always said to her that ‘I had to go’ before she did. There was a long period where I just did not want to live longer, because I could not see how my life could move forwards without Grace.  Even today I find it hard.

The last few days have been difficult. I want to be with her, though there is very little we can do together.  Our interaction is limited.  But at the same time there can be the odd few moments between us which are so precious.  I so often wish I could be with her more.

New Care Home

My intention with the new care home is to spend more time with her again.  I plan to work from her bedroom more often.  I need a desk/table, desk chair and an armchair.  I am so looking forward it.  There are lots of other advantages as well.

If I am being truly open, then there is also a part of me that seeks new adventures.  I want to explore the world.

Dopamine Pickups

I was thinking also about spending money.  Sometimes I did a dopamine pick up, just like anyone else.  Therefore I feel like I spend more too often for the sake of it, rather than because I need to.  What happens when you earn more, and work harder, you spend more on more dopamine pickups.

Work is Good and Off to See Grace

Work is good, in my comfort zone and making a difference (well I think I am).

But before that I see Grace for about 45 minutes.  It was definitely real quality time together.  Grace was well on the ball and we exchanged lots of kisses together.

Privacy & Nurses Names

I was thinking with respect to privacy whether I can mention a forename which is common and therefore no breach privacy.  As I was going to say I find Maria was quite judgemental and she quickly ran to the side of Zone and Siri, perhaps it’s a ‘white people’ thing.   Maybe she goes up stairs and complains again to Mascha (her name and role are in the public domain i.e. Linkedin).

Siri was Looking for Another Job!

Everyone says Siri gets favourite treatment and does what she wants.  Apparently Siri was telling everyone she was looking for a new job and didn’t want to work at Laurens anymore.  There are rumours that Siri thought Zone was an Eikel – harsh but fair!