I’ve not slept great.  I went to bed around 2200, but was awake regularly from 0100 and then decided to get up 0630.  My flight back to Rotterdam was at 1030 except it was delayed. 

Yesterday was tough again, thinking about Grace and feeling I am the cause of her life being cut short.  

I realise, or should I say remind myself, I need to spend lots of time with Grace and also move forward with other aspects of my life. My desire for positions becomes less. I bought a drone and am bored with it after using it once. Yet I want to read, I want to learn.

It struck me yesterday that whenever I am in Lo Pagan, I always feel lonely.  Though I feel relaxed here and I feel at home, feel out of the way here, in place where time drifts for older people until they pass away.

Otherwise, I’ve gone straight from the airport to Grace.

Redacted