Down with a Virus Again!
I’m down with a virus again, for over five days, and I feel exhausted. My body is telling me to rest. I need to find a way to relax, but I naturally feel anxious and agitated about being sick again and not feeling like I’m recovering. I look ill—my skin is pale and blotchy. I think I might be pushing too hard in the gym with the instructor, and I’m not allowing enough time to recover.
Grace Struggles More with Eating
Grace has undoubtedly declined. She is now chewing food less. We’re probably six months away from when she may not be able to swallow, and then it gets really difficult. The connection between us is much weaker as well. I lie on her bed while she sits beside me in her wheelchair. I feel immense guilt as I watch television and do nothing more than hold her hand. I fall asleep, and then she gets nothing from me. She breathes heavily at times.
Priorities Are Changing
I haven’t worked for nearly a week, and on top of that, I had the second week off in January because I was sick. Do I care? No, I just want to feel well again.
Life Evolution Versus Revolution
Life is always an evolution and never really a revolution, except when a life event causes a revolution. Though what has happened to Grace is a life event, she has been around for some time, and the process of coping, understanding, and accepting has been evolutionary—just like my own thoughts about my future. I’m placing less importance on earning money and more on leveraging what I already have.
The ibuprofen (400 mg) has kicked in, and I feel a bit more “alive,” rather than like a zombie. I’m not ready for work; I can hardly concentrate.
Various Stuff
Things are becoming a bit more focused in my mind regarding what I want to do—books, travel, financial independence, and languages. Everything is becoming more balanced over time.
I think I’m also learning to take better care of myself. Last night, I didn’t push myself. I was tired, and instead of chasing down more things on my list, I took time on the sofa to browse my phone and watch TV.
