Finishing Work At The End Of The Year
I told Ian I’m going to finish work at the end of the year. I have enough time to bolster my savings a little.
It’s time to do some work today, even though I don’t really want to. I’ve come to realise that I’ve been living according to the demands, needs, and aspirations of others. As a child, I was continually steered by my father and grandfather. In my early 20s, I followed my peers, and then, as a family member, I aspired to meet their needs. As my career grew, I focused on helping those around me grow their own businesses. Never once was I in total control of my own needs, which raises a philosophical question: when are we truly in control?
Grace becoming ill and needing care drew me towards helping the kids and focusing on work to help someone else’s business. It was only when I began to push those aspects of my life away, fueled by anger, that I realized I was neglecting my own needs.
I remember experimenting with myself in Dubai, spending a lot of money on clothes, dining out, getting massages, and haircuts. But none of it was fulfilling. I need to pursue more meaningful things in my life that align with my goals. It has taken me 2-3 years to really map out where I’m heading. I do feel constrained by Grace’s situation, but that’s no excuse.
I’m very grateful to be where I am today. Sometimes I think, “If only I had known this 5-10 years ago.” Sure, I would have been happier and more grateful, but I’m not sure what impact that would have had on my life path. I’m not sure what value there is in looking back at “what could have been.” Looking forward, I know I need to live in the moment.
