I signed a form stating that Grace needs a higher level of care to help the care home receive more funding. Unfortunately, her condition is declining, and being in a wheelchair is not making things easier.
I have two interviews scheduled for freelance roles, and I am excited about one of them. However, I am concerned that if I accept one before buying a house, I may have difficulty obtaining a mortgage.
After indulging in KFC the night before and gaining weight, I fasted until 8 pm and then had sate and rice. For the first time, I am beginning to feel sorry for both Rutger and Sarah, although I am still unsure if I want to see them.
Wisdom Tooth Removed and Nearly Blacked Out
This morning, I had a wisdom tooth removed. Despite receiving three injections, I still experienced significant pain during the procedure. The specialist who extracted my tooth even remarked that I went paler than his coat! After the extraction, I was taken to another room to rest and recover. The specialist recommended that my dentist remove another wisdom tooth, which is daunting. I spent the evening recuperating on the sofa as I was wiped out from the ordeal. I haven’t had the chance to visit Grace yet, but I need to take the time to recover. The hospital staff were fantastic and made me feel at ease. Later, when explaining the experience to a client, I realized that the process of tooth extraction is different here in comparison to the UK. In the Netherlands, hospitals have access to stronger pain medication. Another client mentioned being given gas as a child in the UK, but noted that it wasn’t a pleasant experience.
Reenergised After the Sun Bed
After spending 30 minutes on the sunbed, I feel both relaxed and full of energy. Later, I visit Grace, who seems a bit off, but I can’t figure out why. I help her with dinner and spend some time with her on the sofa, or rather, she sits next to me in her wheelchair.
Removing Fear as a Barrier
Currently, I am reading a book called The Courage Habit by Kate Swoboda, which is about building up courage and overcoming fear. One of the topics I am reading about is addressing the critic within. The critic within comes about due to uncomfortable past events and the fear of these events arising again, causing us to either try to avoid or fight them. It sees going after our dreams as a terrible threat, one that could come with rejection and feelings of failure. My critics within tell me that I am ugly, unstable, unlikable, and always fall short, especially when it comes to learning new languages.
Often, the critic latches onto negative feedback from others, replaying it in our minds. The messages I can remember include D saying “I upset everyone” and L saying “my soul is broken.” As Kate says, change starts with having a different relationship with the critic. Rather than fight these messages or avoid them, we need to put them into perspective. In the case of D, maybe he was right at a point in time, but was it just me? Was I provoked? I know that the situation with Grace made me very angry. In the case of L, maybe she was right from her perspective, though I was in deep pain.
A useful tip that Kate provides is to say “Redo please, because…” to your inner critic or those who say negative things to you. This helps them to provide constructive, considered, or empathic feedback.
I am aware that some people give intense criticism because they inadvertently or intentionally try to control others. I don’t know if I was one of them, but if I was, I am sorry because it was not intentional. Good leadership should aim to coach and motivate people to grow.
Here’s a link to The Courage Habit by Kate Swoboda: https://www.amazon.com/Courage-Habit-Develop-Courageous-Actions/dp/1626344983
