I nearly made it to the gym last night, but I got as far as Beurs metro station in Rotterdam and ended up finding a place where I could get Japanese ramen. I am shattered; I did a lot yesterday.
Losing Grace and Enjoying My Time with Her Now
I can see that I am losing Grace, and it makes me want to spend more time just being with her. Holding her hand and listening to music together is enough. I reflect on the day we went to Denia over three years ago—how things have changed and how I wish we could have those moments back again.
So here I lie on Grace’s bed while she sits in her wheelchair. Grace’s skin feels so soft; I love stroking it. She feels and looks so delicate. I love her so much.
I wonder where this will go in terms of her decline and how I’ll cope with it. She looks like she is struggling, and I feel so sorry for her.
Falling Asleep Again in the Middle of the Day
Today, I’ve been working since around 7:30 AM, but by 2:00 PM, I fell asleep on Grace’s bed. I haven’t slept well, and with trying to manage so much personal and work-related stuff, I am completely shattered.
As I write this journal, watching Grace, I want her to be the one and only. No one will ever come close to her, certainly not in the past, and I’m pretty sure not in the future.
Some of the other residents irritate me. It’s not their fault; they keep wandering into Grace’s room, and I have to keep kicking them out. Residents have taken the TV remote and PlayStation controller, but as I remind myself, they are replaceable.
Will I Be Asked to Leave the Netherlands When Grace Passes Away?
I wonder if I will be asked to leave the Netherlands when Grace passes away, since my residence permit depends on her as a sponsor. I don’t want to go back to the UK.
Laurens Doesn’t Get It!
Some people understand, while others don’t. I will go to war with anyone who crosses my path, especially those who do anything bad to Grace. If Laurens didn’t get the message before, they certainly do now, and I will reinforce it time and time again.
