Christmas Eve
I spent a quiet Christmas with Grace. On Christmas Eve, the nurses informed me that they would involve a physiotherapist to help Grace with walking. They explained that her FTD dementia might be affecting her ability to walk, and there was a concern that she could remain wheelchair bound. That’s why they wanted to try to get her walking again as soon as possible.
The care home had an excellent physiotherapy area that included treadmills, weights, bike trainers, and bars, among other things. It provided rehabilitation not only for those with dementia but also for patients with leg injuries. The physiotherapists working there were well-trained, and I was amazed by everything they offered.
Christmas Day
On Christmas Day, I spent a few hours with Grace. Although she couldn’t speak, we still felt close, and she held my hand. I helped her eat her lunch, which feels entirely normal now.
I heard that one of the other patients who had gone to a hospice a couple of weeks ago had passed away. It reminded me that Grace would also reach that point someday, and I know she is deteriorating fast compared to other residents.
Boxing Day
On Boxing Day, I arrived and helped with lunch. The nurses kindly shared some food with me.
I decided to take Grace out in the car. We drove around 50km to pick up a dartboard I had successfully bid for online. Grace smiled the whole time, but I noticed that she needed something to do with her hands. Twice I had to stop the car and shut her door properly because she tried to open it while I was driving on the highway. Nevertheless, when I looked at her in the passenger seat, I could see glimpses of the old Grace. Interestingly, when we drove through a tunnel, she was attracted to the continuous stream of lights on the roof. When we returned to the care home, the nurses could see that she was very happy.
I had been on my own for the last three days, and I was comfortable with that. Although my kids are still not speaking to me, I knew they were in the Netherlands because the nurses said they had come to see Grace on Christmas Day and Boxing Day mornings. I wasn’t angry or sad about the situation; I had come to accept it. I also suspect that Grace’s mother doesn’t visit the care home as much to avoid me. We all make our own choices and don’t need to accept the perceived choices put upon us. I was certainly not preventing Grace from seeing anyone. The more people who see Grace, the better, but the reality is that she hadn’t really seen anyone for a few months, except for her children and mother. It surprised me more than angered me that other family and friends didn’t make an effort at Christmas. The reasons why people didn’t are varied, but I thought Grace deserved better. She was a good person who always looked out for others.
