Spending Time with Grace
I spent the whole day with Grace. Rutger and Amber came to visit, and I naturally let Rutger spend time with his mother. He tried to engage with me when he returned, but I was just not interested. I felt a little sorry for him and still do now, but I need my space for the time being.
I did okay with Grace. I struggle to feed her because I don’t want to remember her like this, but lying in bed with her is just fine.
What I need to focus on is physical exercise. I’m also doing another booster with Allen Carr.
The week’s trip to Malta is cancelled. I’ll use the time for something else—maybe moving things from the UK?
What Next for Me (David)?
With Grace now in the last phase of her dementia, I find myself reflecting on what comes next. Continuing with my current freelance contract feels like wasting my life away. The DWP and Ian have given me everything over the last 15 years, but I’ve reached a point where the work no longer motivates me. I feel like my “use by” date has been reached. Additionally, many motivated young people are coming through who are eager to grow and learn. As much as I want to help and coach, I realize they need to discover things for themselves.
I look at a good ten years ahead of me, and I want to make every day count. I want to feel comfortable choosing how I spend each day rather than continuing inside the matrix, jogging along on the treadmill until I reach retirement age.
Equally, I can see I’m throwing away a good income stream. I’m experiencing the feeling of loss aversion—where a real or potential loss feels psychologically more severe than an equivalent gain. There’s nothing stopping me from finding a digital nomad job and earning a few thousand dollars per month.
It’s funny; my grandfather always made a big deal about retiring at 55. As I grew older, I heard stories about people who worked until retirement age and then passed away suddenly, while those who retired younger seemed to live longer. My grandfather lived into his early 90s.
What has shifted my perspective on my future is was what happened to Grace. I want to live in the now.
But what about the stuff in the UK? Is there anything there I still want, or should I sell it all? I’ve reached a point where I need to move forward. The garage and loft in the UK need emptying when possible.
