18th March 2023
Caroline has landed!
Grace is off with the volunteers for a walk (she is in a wheelchair) around the local area. I’ve given her kiss and left her to it. I’m otherwise tied up with an online course for most of the afternoon and through to the evening. I spot Caroline, Grace’s cousin, in the car park of Care Home. Another good reason to leave Grace to it. I don’t have an issue with Caroline, though because of the debris from the last two years I rather not engage and I suspect the feeling is mutual. I do not respect Caroline’s commitment to see, she comes over every 2-3 months from San Francisco to spend a few days with other spiritual sister.
The Awesome Wheelchair
I am used to seeing Grace in the wheelchair now. Like everything that happens because of this f@@king terrible disease (Frontotemporal Dementia), you see steps in decline and need to adjust. The adjustments do get easier for me. Anyway the wheelchair is awesome. A few weeks back a lady came to visit Grace and measure her up for a specialist wheel chair and the result is excellent. It reclines to a position where she can sleep and in the upright position supports her head. Though the physio advises that some more adjustments are going to be made to the height of the chair and also to the head rest – attention to detail 😊 from the very sweet, kind and pretty physio.
What is my relationship status?
It crosses my mind again today that my relationship status is definitely in limbo. I am married to Grace and there remains a strong emotional connection, though bar some sweet kisses there is no real intimacy (general touch and sex) and we can’t have the emotional dialogue a couple have. So in many respects I am also single, and with that comes moments of loneliness. I am comfortable being about myself, but it would be nice to snuggle up on the sofa with someone, cook dinner together, going clothes shopping and make love first thing in the morning. Otherwise, many will expect me to carry out my vowels ‘till death do us part’, which I understand. Though equally should those who are losing partners to dementia, suffer even more? Surely they deserve companionship? Though the new relationship gives the new partner challenges, as they are with someone who maybe coping with living grief and also the commitments of looking / spending time with someone who has dementia.
